Relationships

Terri Crosby

In Care of Relationships offers private sessions and classes about relationships between men and women. I’ve been studying and using this information since the early 80′s.  In sessions or classes, I share specific ideas and research about men and women that relates specifically to your situation and offer ways to change even the most stuck or awful circumstances.  Clients say this knowledge creates a positive wave of change for them, brings more ease, and offers new possibilities with each other.

This information revolutionized and rescued my relationship with my husband, Eric, and took us to a whole new level of relating, partnering, creating the life we want and having fun together.

TESTIMONIALS:

“I am so grateful.  Despite the tension-filled arguments and difficulties with my husband in the past, I now have a whole new world in front of me.  My outlook is different.  More positive, more hopeful, more flexible.  I can see how my actions and words and attitudes have influenced the difficulties we have had.  This is good.  I can handle that knowledge.  It doesn’t feel like self-blame, it feels like freedom to know this.  If I have the power to create that perfectly beautiful mess with such skill and precision, I can create something equally impressive, but more positive.  This is what I have been looking for.  Thank you.”   D. E.,  Oregon

 

“I got more in one session with you than 5 years of therapy.  What you’re saying makes so much sense, and I will put it to use on my date tonight.  I have a whole new outlook on how to find a relationship that works for me.  R.O., Los Angeles, CA

 

 

 

 

“I really appreciate the coaching you gave me today.  You helped me be clear, honest and upfront.  After our session, I was able to call back the “match.com” guy, and I was playful with him and I was much more myself.  What’s nice is that I’m not high on this.  I have a lot in common with him, and feel a connection with him.  Thank you so much.

K.T.,  Black Mountain, NC

To give you a sense of what’s available in a private session, below is a list of sample topics . We explore any of these, or anything in the ballpark, as it relates to you and your situation — whether you’re looking for a (wo)man, in a relationship with a (wo)man, living with a (wo)man, raising a (wo)man or working with a (wo)man.

WOMEN’s  TOP TEN Issues/Questions About Men

1. Are men really THAT different from me?
2. Sometimes I seem to bring out the worst in a man.  I don’t mean to, it just happens and I see it in retrospect, but I don’t really know what I’m doing wrong, and I don’t know what to fix.  It all goes into the toilet so quickly. Help!
3. When do I let go of a relationship?  How do I know if it is fixable?  How do I know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em?
4. How do you find a good man? (The answer to this changes EVERYTHING.)
5. I’m dating.  What’s THE most important skill I could learn that would make finding a man easier?  (The answer to this will change the entire way you approach finding a mate, life partner or sexual companion.)
6. Are men superficial?  Are they shallow? Why don’t they share their feelings when asked?
7. Are men really attracted to ME, or do they just want to have sex?  How can I tell?
8. It seems like men change after they catch you, “conquer” you, or marry you.  My guy is less attentive, less romantic, and not the person he was when I first met him.  What’s that all about?
9. I don’t feel like myself around most men.  I’m scared or worried or I don’t speak up, or I’m nervous and can’t think of what to say until after he hangs up or after he leaves.  He says something to me on the phone that just “goes in”, and it feels bad or my feelings are hurt, but I can’t respond at that moment.  Then I hang up and sort of come to my senses. What in the heck is going on?
10. Even though I’m heterosexual, sometimes I feel that being in a relationship with a man is just too much work.  It’s all too hard!!! The thought crosses my mind that being with women instead would be easier!!!!  Ha!  OK, I really want a man, I just don’t know how to get one, keep one, love one or get along with one.  Other than that, I’m doing great with men.

MEN’S TOP TEN Issues/Questions About Women

1. When you ask a woman a question, why doesn’t she just get to the point?  Why won’t she answer a direct question — directly?
2. Why do women seem to expect me to know what they want?  Do they think I’m psychic?  I’m not.  If you really want the compliment for something you said, or did, or changed slightly and I missed it, ask me directly.  Guide me a bit.  Give me a chance or some coaching.
3. Why is it hard for women to be on time?  There is a female perception that being late is acceptable or even fashionable.
4. Why do I have to change?  Did you marry me for what I could become or are you happy with who I am?
5. In a discussion, I wish women would stick to the topic and not bring in a heap of unrelated topics.  Also, emotions really get in the way of communicating with each other.
6. Women change their minds about us.  In a few seconds, they can go from “I love you, you’re the best” to “What on Earth did I ever see in you?”  What gives?
7. When I was married I always felt like I could never do enough for her and especially that I could never do it right.  Whatever I did, it didn’t seem to make her happy.  I’d say, “Honey, I just fixed the screen door.”  And her response was essentially, “Thank you, but why haven’t you cleaned out the garage yet?” We never celebrated the victories, there was always one more thing to do.
8. Their mental approach and mindset are so illogical.
9. Women control us because we want more sex than they do.  Women should stop pretending that they don’t like sex as much as men.  Women should look for more ways to enjoy/be available for sex.
10. It’s hard to get a complete thought from her.  There’s a multitude of ideas going on inside her all at once.  Then she tries to verbalize this glob of words and thoughts and veers off on so many tangents that I can’t figure out what in the heck she’s saying.  What’s a guy to do?

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The “Top 10″ lists above make it abundantly clear that relationships between men and women tend to be challenging.  This can be true –  even in a  “good relationship.”

There are many variations of male-female relationships that “survive.”   There are the couples that struggle through the years.  They hang in there while the kids grow up, but nobody’s really having a whole lot of fun.  It’s average and it “works” but it’s not great.  It’s certainly nothing to write home about.

Eric and Terri

There are a few relationships here and there that really look healthy and last. I know a couple in their 90′s that still work together (they never retired) and they seem to get along really well and enjoy each others’ company.  In their presence, I am humbled.  The fun they have together is inspiring and they are still doing great work with their clients.

And then there are the relationships that look healthy, but “POOF” one day, without warning, it’s all over. A couple you admire decides to go their separate ways, leaving you shaking your head in disbelief.  What in the world happened?  Mostly, we never know, and maybe the couple doesn’t really know either.

I know that scenario from experience because I had one of those ideal looking marriages that fell apart in a public way.  About five years into the relationship, it went quite quickly down the drain, leaving me dumb struck and in emotional agony.  I was devastated for years.

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re frustrated about relationships.  Or confused. Perhaps you want to understand the opposite sex better, and make some sense of their behavior. Maybe you’ve even given up ever having a good relationship.

You might be looking for a way to have a satisfying and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime.

That’s what I wanted.  In the year 2000, I found a new and promising relationship.  As usual, the connection started out just great.  It only took about 6 years this time for the relationship to go down the tubes (wow, my longevity record improved by a whole year), but  sure as shootin’, the relationship was heading for doomsday, just like all the rest.

I was horrified. Upset at myself.  Angry that it was happening again. Confused about what to do.  In a panic.

I was clear, however, that I was the common denominator in all the “failures.”  That part was crystal clear.

We stayed together and went to work on it.  I read, went to seminars and read some more.  I listened to more CD’s than I can count, talked to my girlfriends, watched movies about relationships, asked more questions of men and women whose relationships seemed to be working.  I researched, observed, tried new things.

Since then, I have lifted my relationship with Eric up out of the dark and murky waters of confusion, frustration and the sad sack of failure and hopelessness. We have a renewed relationship, one that is more open, fun and personally empowering.

We laugh like kids.  We experiment, talk and bounce ideas off each other.  If we make a mistake, we know we can fix it.  It’s not like we’re perfect and nothing ever goes wrong.  There is so much more freedom to be ourselves and support one another.  I appreciate my relationship with Eric every day of my life.

Did I do it all by myself?  Yes, in the sense that all I can change is myself.  The moment I use my attention to try to change another person so that I can be happy, I am powerless.  If my happiness depends on how another person acts towards me, I have no way to become centered, steady on my feet, or even happy, despite what is going on in my environment.

However, if I focus on me, and how I’m doing in the middle of the storm, and learn to consciously find ways to feel a little better, one step at a time, and get that into my bones, then I can improve anything, anywhere, without a lot of fuss and upset and tension.

This cannot be emphasized enough.  And it’s not about putting on a happy face when you’re not happy, it’s not about faking it ’til you make it, it’s not about pretending to be something you’re not or feel some way you don’t.  It’s about learning a new skill, a new focus.  Starting where you are, you move yourself forward and upward in small ways, all day long, in the direction you want to go.  This is a process.   It’s a different way of paying attention and it produces radically different results almost immediately and over time.

And no, I didn’t do it all by myself,  in the sense that I have a partner who had the same goal as me, which was to work it out.

For me, being successful about working it out had nothing to do with changing him, which is the first time in my life that I could honestly say — “OK, I get it.  It’s not about him.”

Here’s my promise to you.

Whatever your issue  — and whether you’re single, dating, in a relationship or married –  it won’t take long to see what’s going on and give you immediately usable feedback and “assignments” that will help you shift in a direction that makes you happier.

The intention of my work is to support you in being more expressive of who you are as a person – and as a partner.

My clients say I work quickly and efficiently and give them useful information that works immediately.

A single woman who had a session with me recently said she had gotten more valuable, accurate and instantly applicable information from our session than from her months of work with an expensive therapist.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard that from my clients.

Another note — if I see that it would be helpful to the conversation to get Eric on the phone as well for some live male input, reassurance, or feedback, I’m happy to do that and so is he.  We often work together as a couple, on the phone or in person.

If you have questions, call me. 714-240-4889.  I am happy to meet you on the phone for a preliminary conversation, to see if working together feels right to you.

You can sign up for sessions by clicking on the button below and entering the appropriate amount for the number of sessions you would like.  Or just go to PayPal and send the amount for your session(s) to songwave@earthlink.net.  I’ll get an email notifying me of your payment and we’ll go from there.

Initial Session -$150.00 (usually about 2 hours)

Regular Single Session – $125 (1 to 1-1/2 hrs.)
Initial Session (2 hrs) plus two regular sessions – $325.00 (save $75)
Package of three regular sessions – $300 (save $75)